JUST STANDING THERE WATCHING
Not seeing, nor sensing that obsidian eye, glitter-
flecked, unflickering, the white
mouse stares unaware
at you, the camera I, another vestal
sacrifice.
Hulked behind, Bufo, grumped in
stone, masked
executioner,
black bunkles athwart, zagged, whelky.
Soundtrack
vibrato wells to pulse, stabs of brass, glass.
The kids gasp,
fidget on edge of cruelty’s thrill,
squeal at
tongue’s dart, wrap around, slick suction.
Blur, white
fur, gobbed; shuttered mouse staring out,
squeakless. Kids blurt, slurp; some screw disgust.
Bloat of gills
like gagging, gulp, smug belch. Tiny,
snittering
mouseface shrinking, stark bewildered,
disembodied,
save sequin eyes still watching you.
Spurred to
stand fast, braced, nostrils a-quiver,
arched as a
windbreak beaten by maddening squalls,
the horse is
blinded, but smells blood, bull, rage.
Earth quakes,
sand clots with rosettes of blood.
The picadors
dig in and twist the black brute’s back,
burying
lanceheads in the ribbons of torqued muscle.
The lowered
bullhead snorts, rams against your flank.
Horns unsawn
rip at your padding swelling scarlet.
Like slaves in
the Colosseum, faces badged with blood
to excite the
beast, you stand the jeers of diehards,
tourists
hooting for the matador’s coral pink ears,
Whistle
derision to split your skull, pierce your heart.
Back two
centuries of shambles in this corrida,
you were
curbed to stand uncaparisoned, sure-hoofed,
disembowelling
for the picadors to gouge close in.
You too stand
witness to your own humbling.
Seated by the
platter of squabs and sheafs of feathers,
you ring the
dove’s head between finger and thumb,
soft, downy
wings held against warm, snow-white body.
Taking your
knife, you make a nick in its throat.
Dribbles of
blood trickle into the porcelain bowl.
The fledgling
tenses, cocks its head, strains
to fasten its
scratching claws to your wrist.
No matter its
blood congeals the sealing wound.
You’re so
incisive with your familiar blade,
twisting the
sharp point in the slit, remorseless.
Inexplicably,
the dove utters no sound, cries not.
Dumb with
innocence, trust or debility, it gazes on
with drowsy
solemnity at its own inevitable ebbing.
Alicia, I fear
too much your Habsburg jaw.
Michael Small
August
23-September 25, 2003
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